


salamat, mahal

by slytherbyun



Series: mahiwaga, mahal [2]
Category: EXO (Band), SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - After College/University, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Break Up, Introspection, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Unofficial Sequel, inspired by ben&ben songs, isko!jeonghan, isko!sehun
Language: Filipino
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:47:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25839823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slytherbyun/pseuds/slytherbyun
Summary: may mga taong parte lang ng buhay mo sandali,pero malaki ang iiwang marka sa'yo.sequel (?) to "payapa sa yakap ng iyong hiwaga"
Relationships: Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan, Oh Sehun/Yoon Jeonghan
Series: mahiwaga, mahal [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1875070
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	salamat, mahal

**Author's Note:**

  * For [seuljhi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/seuljhi/gifts).



> For B.

Maraming bagay ang mahirap ipaliwanag.

Kung gaano kalupit ang Tadhana, kung bakit may milagro, kung paano nakakayanan ang bawat araw, walang may tiyak na kasagutan. Mga tanong na malamang ay bumabagabag sa isipan ng mga tao, ngunit walang mabigay na tugon.

Parang pag-ibig lang. Hindi mo madaling maipapaliwanag kung bakit mahal mo, o kung bakit iniwan ka. Maraming naglalaro na mga piyesa sa chess board, hindi ka sigurado kung ano ang galaw ng Tadhana. Minsan masarap sumuko, minsan ang sarap magtago. Minsan, masarap isara ang puso para hindi na masaktan muli.

However, in a world full of uncertainties, there was one thing Jeongan was sure of: He was sure he would never find love again.

Pagkatapos umalis ni Joshua patungong Amerika, hindi na inisip ni Jeonghan buksan muli ang puso. Nagfocus na lang siya sa pag-aaral, sa mga kaibigan, sa kanyang pamilya. There wasn't any room for other people in his life. He just went through the motions and let nature take its course for most of the time. Ang tanging iniisip lang niya ay makatapos ng kolehiyo, magtrabaho, magpayaman. Maging rich tropa na manlilibre na lang ng inom. Gaya-gaya muna kay Mingyu ng goals.

"Jeonghan, ano pa ba kailangan for this week? Wala na talaga akong sense of time," Bungad na tanong ni Seungcheol habang pababa sila ng hagdan patungong lobby ng college building.

Napabukas si Jeonghan ng calendar sa phone para tignan kung ano pa ba mga pending na gawain para sa mga klase. "Integ paper doon sa pa-film showing ni Torres, reflection paper kay Lorenzo, tsaka yung group paper natin sa fieldwork sa Banaue," sagot ni Jeonghan.

Parehas silang nakapasa sa dream school nila, sa dream course nila. Sa katunayan, silang tatlo nina Joshua ang qualified, kaso nagdesisyon si Joshua na sa US na magkolehiyo. Silang dalawa naman ay tumuloy sa unibersidad dito sa Pilipinas. Ang ibang mga kaibigan nila, sa ibang mga unibersidad nag-aral, pwera kay Wonwoo na Computer Science major sa parehas na pamantasan din.

"Umay na ako sa pa-paper ni Sir Lorenzo, akala mo naman nagbabasa talaga," panay reklamo ni Seungcheol habang nakaupo sa sahig ng lobby at gumagawa ng paper.

Napatawa na lang si Jeonghan sa ngumunguynguy na Seungcheol. "Reklamo ka, gagawin mo naman."

"Eh syempre, ayoko bumagsak. Sayang naman at nag CS pa ako, diba? Kahit alam kong 'di na aabot sa laude, gandahan ko na lang din grades ko," banat ni Seungcheol.

Jeonghan was busy checking for typos in the paper he was working on, ready to send the email to their professor. Ever since high school, Jeonghan was really the type of person na gagawin lahat in advance. Ayaw niya na may nakatenggang gawain para walang sagabal sa mga gusto niyang gawin after class. Nabitbit niya rin ito hanggang kolehiyo, kung saan naging advantageous ito for him kasi mahilig siya sumali sa orgs.

Satisfied with his work, Jeonghan sends the email to his professor. "Nasubmit ko na kay Torres paper ko. Patapos na rin ako kay Lorenzo."

"Hay Han, iba ka talaga no? Mamaw amputa."

They usually spend their free time either sa lobby, or sa Esso, isang cafe sa may Adriatico na may mabilis na internet at masarap na kape. Pero dahil taghirap na sila, sa college lobby na lang sila gumagawa. Kahit siksikan, kahit medyo maraming tao, at least, mabilis WiFi. Pwede na.

"Hoy, Choi," Jeonghan calls his attention. "Sino magtatranscribe ng interviews natin sa Banaue?"

"Sabi ni Soojin, sila na daw ni Rowon," sagot ni Seungcheol. "Since nasa recorder na daw ni Soojin, siya na, tas nagvolunteer si Rowon tumulong."

"So si Minah na gagawa ng presentation of data?" Tanong ni Jeonghan.

"Yep," simpleng sagot ni Seungcheol.

Bumalik si Jeonghan sa pagtatype ng integ paper para sa Socio class niya, nang marinig niyang may naglapag ng bag sa tabi niya. Paglingon, ang bumati sa kanya ay isang Wonwoo na mukhang pagod na sa buhay.

"O, anyare sa DepEx mo?" Tanong ni Seungcheol, while Jeonghan was rummaging through his bag for chocolates he packed. Sobrang stressful sa ComSci kaya naghahanda siya lagi ng sweets for Wonwoo kapag may exam sila.

"Kuya, badtrip eh," Wonwoo eats the chocolate Jeonghan got him. "Pero bahala na, nag-aral naman ako."

"Alam niyo kayong dalawa, sasabihin niyo ang hirap pero kayo may matataas na score, nakakabwisit," asar sa kanila ni Seungcheol. "Sana all, no?"

"Kuya Cheol naman, lagi namang joke time," asar pabalik ni Won. "O siya nga pala, punta ba kayo sa semstarter ng Bio?”

“Bakit hindi?” itong si Cheol, party person since freshie year. Well-known sa party scene, at isa sa mga pinakasikat na tao sa university.

“Ito nanaman tayo Seungcheol Choi, bahala ka, walang susundo sa’yo kapag wasted ka na,” asar ni Jeonghan, who didn’t take his eyes off of the laptop.

“Sama ka na kasi, kuya Han,” kantyaw ni Wonwoo. “Uso rin naman magpahinga once in a while no.”

“Pag natapos ko papers ko ng Thursday noon, sige, sama ako sa semstarter,” sabi ni Jeonghan.

“Sure ball na pala, hindi ka nagpapalate sa deadlines eh,” biro ni Cheol.

“Tangina mo, yung paper natin!”

~•~•~•~

“Dapat pala hindi na ako pumayag.”

Parties were never really Jeonghan’s thing. Ang tanging party na pinuntahan niya ay sem-ender ng org nila sa BehSci, at promise, hindi siya nag-enjoy. Bukod sa walang kwenta mobile bar, hindi naman niya talaga ginusto pumunta. Hinila lang siya ni Cheol, as usual.

“Loosen up, Han. Di pwedeng stiff ka na lang forever,” asar ng kaibigan nilang si Shownu. “Try to put yourself out there din. Baka mag-enjoy ka.”

“May hang-ups yang si Han, wag niyo na pilitin,” sabat ni Cheol. May hinihintay yan sa--”

“Tangina Cheol, ang bibig.”

Napashot si Jeonghan nang ‘di oras, pinagtatawanan na siya nina Shownu, Wonwoo, at Seungcheol.

“Dapat lang palang binabanggit si Joshua para--”

“Cheol, sabing tama na.”

Tumayo na si Han at umalis. Tumungo na lang siya sa patio para magpahangin. Uwing-uwi na siya kaya nagpaplano na siya magbook ng Grab nang may tumabi sa kanyang estranghero.

“You look sad,” sabi ng matangkad na lalaki na katabi niya.

“Dun ka,” tanging sagot ni Jeonghan, na gustong mapag-isa.

“Di kita kaya iwan, baka biglang may gawin ka dyan, ako pa masisi,” biro ni tangkad.

“You don’t know me. You can leave. Wala kang responsibilidad sa akin.”

“Not true,” kontra ng stranger. “I’m probably the last one who will see you, so syempre, scary.”

“Para matahimik ka na, wala akong gagawin. Okay?”

“Samahan na lang kita dito, para sure,” the stranger insisted.

Jeonghan just decided to ignore the man and focus on fiddling with his phone. Nagsscroll lang siya sa Facebook nang may makita siya.

_ Jihoon Lee was with Joshua Hong _

Screenshot ito ng video call nila.

He saw how matured Joshua looked--how he turned out. It’s been two years since they last spoke to each other, but the effect Joshua had on him was still the same. It’s as if bumalik siya sa unang pagkikita nila noong bata pa sila at umiiyak si Joshua.

_ Ang sakit. _

Hindi napigilan ni Jeonghan lumuha. He rarely saw updates about Joshua, which is why seeing him hurt so bad. Parang bumalik siya sa araw na naghiwalay sila para habulin ni Joshua ang mga pangarap sa ibang bansa. It was one of the most painful days of his life. Imagine finally being with the one you love, only to take a step back kasi kailangan habulin yung mga pangarap na matagal nang binuo bago pa mabuo ang mga planong sabay nila sinimulan.

May nag-abot ng tissue kay Jeonghan. The stranger was still beside him, taking a drag from the cigarette he just lit up.

“Baho, amoy yosi,” kumento ni Jeonghan.

“Kalma mo,” binuga ng kasama ang usok sa mukha niya.

“Bastos.”

“Kilig ka naman.”

Naupo sila sa sahig, nakasandal sa riles. Busy magyosi yung estranghero, samantalang si Jeonghan ay nagbook na ng Grab pabalik ng condo.

"Malapit na Grab ko," said Jeonghan after the longest five minutes of his life.

"Okay," simpleng sagot ni mystery man.

"Pangalan mo?"

"Interesado ka pala eh," biro ng kasama.

"Bahala ka dyan. Bababa na ako."

Jeonghan got up and got his stuff, ready to go down and go home. As he was walking, he heard the mystery man shout his name.

"Sehun!"

Napalingon pabalik si Jeonghan para tignan ang lalaking nagyoyosi na nakasandal sa riles.

"Sehun Oh. 4th year. BSPT. You know where to find me."

~•~•~•~

_ oohsehun: sad naman niyan, daming papers. :( _

_ jhyoon_04: shut up :/ _

_ oohsehun: tara, Erra's? baka mawala stress mo niyan. _

_ jhyoon_04: hmmm. tignan ko. _

_ oohsehun: pabebe nito. _

After that fateful encounter sa semstarter, narealize ni Jeonghan na mutuals pala sila sa Twitter. Nang magkwento si Han sa mga kaibigan pag-uwi nila sa condo, hindi nag-atubili si Minghao na kunin ang cellphone para i-message si Sehun. Simula no'n, lagi na sila magkausap sa DM.

“Magkikita ba kayo ni kuya PT?” asar ni Wonwoo, habang kumakain sila sa Rob Manila.

“Si Jeonghan, may jowa, di nagkkwento,” gatong ni Seungcheol.

“Hindi ko siya jowa, ni hindi nga kami naglalandian, parang mga tanga.”

“Wag na in denial, Han. Di bagay.”

“Sabing hindi ko nga jowa, punyeta kayo,” Jeonghan threw french fries towards Seungcheol, who caught it and ate it.

Wonwoo picked off of some of Jeonghan’s fries. “Kuya Jeonghan, Kuya Sehun is actually pretty nice once you get to know him. Kasama ko siya sa tournaments minsan sa Bakbakan. Mabait naman.”

“Jeonghan, it’s been 3 years--”

“Seungcheol, don’t you dare finish that sentence.”

Alam naman na ni Jeonghan sasabihin ni Seungcheol--na tatlong taon na mula noong umalis si Joshua. Na hindi na maibabalik pa ang dati. Na hindi sila babalik sa dati. Na hindi na sila magkakabalikan pa. Ang hindi ata maintindihan ni Seungcheol ay hindi naman kailangan ni Jeonghan magmove on. Kailangan lang niyang mabuhay; gumising, huminga, pumasok, mag-aral, kumain, umuwi, at matulog. Nothing else matters.

“Cheol, kung ano man ang pagkakaibigan na nabuo sa amin ni Sehun, ‘yun na ‘yon. Friends. That’s it. I know it, Sehun knows it. Kaya please, wag niyo na itulak yung Sehun agenda ninyo, kasi walang mangyayari. Now, can we go back to eating?”

~•~•~•~

“Minsan, hindi ko alam kung kakayanin pa ng baga mo ‘yang yosi.”

Magkasama sina Jeonghan at Sehun sa labas ng building ng registrar’s office. Famous yosi spot siya ng mga estudyante at mga empleyado ng DOJ at Supreme Court. Kahit taga-Pedro Gil si Sehun, paborito niya magyosi sa area na ito, kaya niyaya din niya si Jeonghan sumama sa kanya nang malaman na wala siyang klase.

“OA, bumili ka pa talaga ng face mask para lang hindi malanghap yung yosi,” asar ni Sehun pabalik sa kanya.

“If you wanna get sick, bahala ka dyan. Basta wag mo ako idamay,” sagot ni Jeonghan habang nagbabasa ng notes.

“Kung mag-aaral ka lang din,” simula ni Sehun pagkatapos bumuga ng usok, “eh di sana nag CBTL na lang tayo.”

“Gusto mo magyosi eh,” simpleng sagot ni Jeonghan sa kanya.

“Eh di sasamahan mo ako sa kahit saan na magyosi ako?”

“Tanga, ngayon lang, pagkatapos nito, babalik akong office ng pub, doon ako mag-aaral.”

“Sama mo na lang ako sa office,” hirit ni Sehun. “Wala naman na akong klase buong araw eh.”

Jeonghan was shocked, taga-white college na tamad mag-aral? “Wala ka bang subjects? Na dapat pag-aralan?”

“Nabasa ko na transes ko, nagawa ko na reviewers ko, wala na akong problema.”

“Tangina, nag-aaral ka pala?” Gulat na tanong ni Jeonghan, sabay hampas ng reviewers sa kasama.

“Violent asshole,” asar ni Sehun, at pinatay na ang yosi.

“Hindi kasi siya kapani-paniwala okay? Mukha kang walwal king ng CAMP, let’s be real.”

“Gago, di naman, mas walwal king si Johnny.”

Tawa na lang nang tawa ang dalawa paakyat sa office ng student pub. It’s been four months since they first met, and sobrang kumportable ni Jeonghan kay Sehun. Unexpected friend ba, kumbaga. They just slid comfortably in the friendship, and it settled nicely. Magkasundo sina Sehun at ang mga kaibigan ni Jeonghan, Sehun’s friends also like Jeonghan. They were pieces that people didn’t expect to fit naman talaga.

It was a whole other kind of comfort knowing that Jeonghan has a friend like Sehun. Someone na fresh, na bago, na hindi tainted by other memories. Something na walang bahid ni Joshua. And it felt nice.

~•~•~•~

“I like you.”

Walang patumpik-tumpik si Sehun. Hindi pa nakakaupo si Jeonghan sa upuan sa Oarhouse, biglang may pagdeklara ng “I like you”.

“Sehun, next time na yung jokes ha, wala ako sa mood,” Jeonghan tried to dismiss it, ayaw makinig sa pinagsasasabi niya. Ayaw maniwala sa sinabi niya.

“Jeonghan, I’m serious.”

“Kung nakainom ka na, tantanan mo ako ah. Wag ngayon.”

“Wala pang alak ‘to,” ngumisi si Sehun, tsaka palang umorder ng Weng-Weng.

“Sehun, kung dare ito, okay na. Inom na lang tayo please,” sabi ni Jeonghan, at hinablot ang menu para mamili ng kakainin.

“Bahala ka, wag ka maniwala sa akin,” asar ni Sehun. “Never naman akong nagsinungaling sa’yo.”

Ayaw maniwala ni Jeonghan. Hindi siya maniniwala. Nakakatakot na. Mahirap isugal nanaman ang puso tapos wala nanamang mapapala.

_ Kahit gaano pa ka-gwapo, kabait, katalino… Bawal bumigay, Jeonghan. Bawal bumigay. _

“I’ll wait.”

Napaangat si Jeonghan ng tingin sa Sehun na nakangiti. Litong-lito na lang si Jeonghan sa nangyayari, kaya hindi na lang niya brining-up yung sinabi niya.

“You can pretend you didn’t hear me, but it’s out there, okay?”

~•~•~•~

  
  


“Congrats sa graduate na!”

Sehun and Jeonghan were out for dinner. Hindi sila nagkita after grumaduate ni Sehun. 4th year na si Jeonghan, at nasa Quezon City siya for his practicum. Nagkataon na the clinic where Sehun works is in Quezon City also, so they decided to have dinner together.

“Tagal din nating hindi nagkita, ah.”

Jeonghan took a sip from the iced tea na lasang langit (aka iced tea ng McDo, food from the gods). “Oo nga, puro chat and video call lang. Pero okay lang, naging busy din ako eh.”

“Kita ko nga stories mo, nag Zambales ka for almost 2 weeks,” sabi ni Sehun habang kumakain ng nuggets at kanin.

“Sarap talaga ng Zambales, such a memorable time. Two weeks na fieldwork with swimming? Langit,” nguya si Jeonghan ng favorite niyang Chicken Fillet ala King.

“Anong ginagawa mo sa practicum?” Sehun probed.

“Wala, just HR tasks, more on recruitment. Enjoy ka naman sa clinic?” Jeonghan asked.

“Masaya naman, fulfilling siya when you actually get to see your clients walk na, or makagalaw at makabalik sa dating functioning.”

“Softie naman na ni yosi boy Sehun, ilang buwan ko lang hindi nakita,” asar ni Jeonghan sa kasama.

Sehun just simply smiled, continuing to eat the nuggets he ordered.

Jeonghan notices something different with Sehun. Mukha siyang mas kalmado.

It’s the calmest Jeonghan has seen Sehun since he knew him. Mas at peace siya, kumbaga. When he met Sehun, he was a whirlwind of chaos waiting to happen. Initially, when Jeonghan would think of Sehun, para siyang something exciting sa buhay niya, because everything about him was all so new. Sehun was someone his system would refuse to take in, but it did anyway. Sehun was a reminder that life does go on.

Sehun is a reminder that life will move forward.

“Ano?”

“Uusad din pala mga buhay natin, no?” sabi ni Jeonghan.

“Talaga namang life will go on, Han. Baka ikaw lang yung ayaw umayon sa indayog ng buhay. Sometimes you have to just let go and ride with the waves.”

For the first time in a long time, Jeonghan actually smiled.

~•~•~•~

“Congrats sa graduate na!”

Paglingon ni Jeonghan sa likod niya, andoon si Sehun.   
  


May dalang sunflower.

“What the hell are you doing here?” niyakap ni Jeonghan si Sehun (nang nakasablay na!), gulat sa surpresa ng kaibigan.

“Graduate ka na, celebrate dapat natin yan,” simpleng ngiti ni Sehun.

In the midst of all the chaos, the euphoria, the triumph, and the overwhelming emotions, Jeonghan found calm. Jeonghan found peace. And it was brought to him by one man. One constant presence in his life that he refused to acknowledge.

Na ngayon lang niya hinarap.

Na pwede naman maging masaya.

Jeonghan couldn’t compose himself, and ended up pulling Sehun by the neck and kissing him fully on the lips.

In front of his friends.

In front of his parents.

In acknowledgement of his feelings.

_ Nice  _ doesn’t even begin to describe the feeling of Sehun’s lips on his. It felt like comfort. It felt like warmth. It felt like home.

“Tagal mo naman marealize,” asar ni Sehun, holding Jeonghan close to him.

“Sorry na, but now I’m ready.”

“Ready ka na?”

“Ready na.”

~•~•~•~

Two years of pure happiness.

Jeonghan and Sehun were nothing but happy. In the two years that they’ve been together, it’s just like any other couple--they fight, they have amazing days, they have their quiet days. Even so, cumulatively, masaya si Jeonghan. Sobrang saya.

Ang daming adventures, ang daming firsts, ang daming bago. It felt easy. Sobrang dali. Sobrang peaceful.

Pero bakit parang may kulang?

Lately, they haven’t been okay.

Between Sehun studying in med school, and Jeonghan working as a licensed psychometrician, time hasn’t been kind to them lately. Hindi sila nakakapagkita, laging pagod, laging nag-aaway. Wala naman silang magawa kundi intindihin ang isa’t isa, kasi mga kinabukasan nila ang nakasalalay.

Jeonghan has been logging so many hours sa clinic, mas nakikita pa niya mga pasyente niya kaysa sa sariling kasintahan. Meron na ngang time na halos two weeks silang walang kibo, walang paramdam sa isa’t isa. Akala nila okay lang, kasi nagtatrabaho na, pero may iba. Iba ang galaw. Iba ang pakiramdam sa isa’t isa.

And it honestly scares the shit out of Jeonghan.

“Kuya Han!”

Dumaan sina Wonwoo, Mingyu, at Jihoon sa Taft para dumalaw kay Jeonghan. Since working in PGH, he stayed in the condo he used to share with Wonwoo, Seungcheol, and Minghao. He lives there alone, but when Hao, Jun, or whoever goes to Taft for whatever lakad, his place is open for them.

“Ano nanaman gingawa niyo sa Taft?” tanong ni Jeonghan, na kakatapos lang ang shift.

“Inom daw sa condo ah, akala ko ba um-oo ka?” Gyu asked in confusion.

Sinamaan ng tingin ni Jeonghan si Wonwoo, who raised his hands in defense. “Nagsabi ako sa chat! Um-oo ka kaya!”

Jeonghan tried to recall if he did say yes, pero kahit um-oo man siya o hindi, andito na sila. Hindi naman niya ipagtutulakan mga kaibigan niya kahit kailan.

“Oo na, inom na. Pasalamat kayo, wala akong pasok bukas.”

~•~•~•~

Akala ni Jeonghan, silang apat lang.

Buti kasya sa condo niya doseng tao.

“Ano ba meron at ininvite mo buong barkada?” tanong ni Han kay Seungcheol. Pumasok si Cheol na bitbit isang kasa ng Red Horse. Si Hao naman may sagot ng Empi, JD, at Soju. Si Mingyu naghanda ng pulutan, at yung iba, mga walang silbi, inom lang alam gawin.

“Bawal ba? Tagal na nating hindi nagkita-kita,” sagot ni Cheol sabay shot.

Umiling si Jeonghan, at pinagmasdan ang mga kaibigang nag-iinuman. “Weird lang na buong barkada magkakasama. It’s been almost 4 months since huli tayong magkakasama.”   
  


“Then be grateful na lang, Han. Treasure these moments.”

Jeonghan couldn’t help but smile at his friends--the friends he’s had since he was a kid. Ang dami na ng pinagdaanan nila, magkakasama at magkakahiwalay. It started out as a group of kids na naglalaro lang sa park, hanggang sa pagtanda na nila at halos lahat sila tapos na sa kolehiyo.

Biglang nagvibrate ang cellphone ni Jeonghan.

_ From: mahal <3 _ _  
_ _ Free ka? Labas tayo. Maaga ako natapos magreview today. :) _

“Tumamlay mukha mo ah,” bati ni Hao.

“Wala, nagyaya si Sehun, kaso di ako free,” Jeonghan said.

“Bummer,” was the only thing Minghao said before taking a swig of Red Horse.

_ To: mahal <3 _

_ Sorry, nag-iinuman kami dito sa condo. :( _

_ Next time? _

_ From: mahal <3 _

_ Sure. Inom well. :) _

_ To: mahal <3 _

_ Love you :) _

“Okay,” nagsalita bigla si Jihoon. Bihira lang magtawag ng atensyon si Jihoon, kaya napa-sober up nang ‘di oras lahat.

“Actually, this is more for Jeonghan than for us.”

Natakot si Jeonghan kasi when Jihoon commands the room, iba eh. Tapos na-single out pa siya? Saya naman niyan.

“Ano ba yan, Ji?” tanong ni Han.

“Uuwi na si Joshua.”

~•~•~•~

Jeonghan never thought he’d see Joshua at a funeral for the first time in six years.

Noong college na, he initially imagined this grand airport scene--bigla lang uuwi si Joshua tapos nakaabang siya sa arrival bay. May madramang eksena na Joshua will run into Jeonghan's arms and cry, and then magsosorry sila sa isa't isa tapos okay na.

But life isn't like rom-coms, theirs most especially isn't one.

Joshua's father passed away of a heart attack, at napilitan siyang umuwi ng Pilipinas para samahan ang mama niya. Kwento ni Shua na nakuha niya ang tawag saktong pagkatapos ng defense niya ng Masters paper niya 

Jeonghan wanted Sehun to come with him. Kahit sugurado siya na wala siyang nararamdaman para kay Joshua, may nagging feeling na something is bound to go wrong. It felt weird na wala si Sehun, tapos nandito si Joshua.

Buong lamay, he hardly said anything to Joshua, except “condolence.” Hindi rin naman siya pinilit ng mga kaibigan to talk to the dude. Parang hindi sila magkakilala. O kaya’y magkakilalang walang pinagsamahan. Which is something na hindi nagsettle kay Jeonghan kasi parang hindi naman fair sa ilang taong pagkakaibigan nila kung dededmahin niya the whole time si Joshua.

When he saw Joshua alone in the hallway for the first time that day, he felt the need to actually approach him and talk to him. Pero nang umupo na siya sa tabi ni Joshua, wala ni isang salita ang gustong lumabas sa bibig niya.

Lumingon si Joshua at nginitian lang siya. After 6 years, that smile still caught him off-guard. Jeonghan did the polite thing and smiled back.

They sat there in silence. Walang kibuan. It felt weird kasi when they were in high school, lagi silang magkasama at hindi natitigil ang daldal. It’s like they hardly knew each other.

“Sorry.”

‘Yan lang ang nasabi ni Jeonghan. Joshua looked at him, all confused.

“For what?”

“For giving up on us.”

Jeonghan owed him that. Matagal nang dapat nagsorry si Jeonghan dahil sumuko siya--na hindi man lang sinubukan to make things work long distance or something. It’s been something that’s been bothering him for a long time na. With a simple “sorry” from Jeonghan, ngumiti lang si Joshua at umiyak na.

Niyakap lang ni Jeonghan si Joshua, dahan-dahan ring tumulo ang mga luha mula sa kanyang mga mata. Is it out of regret? Out of missed chances?

_ Or out of regret because now that he’s back, hindi na siya available? _

“Shuji…”

“Yes?

He had to tell him. He owed Joshua that much.

“May boyfriend na ako.”

~•~•~•~

Because it’s been the first time in a long time na kumpleto silang trese, halos every week sila lumalabas. After everyone’s shifts, come Friday evening, magkakasama na silang lahat.

It’s been two months mula noong dumating si Joshua, at ngayon lang nakasama si Sehun sa kanila.

Needless to say, everything was awkward.

“Sehun, what do you do?” tanong ni Joshua habang nagluluto ng samgyup.

Ramdam ni Jeonghan ang tensyon sa hangin. Sa sobrang kapal nito, kahit yung mga kaibigan niya, dama ito. Kita niya si Seungcheol na nakatingin kay Jihoon, nagsesenyas ata na palitan na ang topic.

“Sh--”

“Med student ako,” sagot ni Sehun. “2nd year med student ako, full-time nag-aaral. Nag PT for a year before mag NMAT at tumuloy ng med.”

“Wow, that’s great, buti you decided to go to med school,” kumento ni Joshua. “Ibang vigor and will ang need to stay and actually finish med.”

_ From: Seungcheol _

_ They’re getting along…? _

_ To: Seungcheol _

_ Aba malay ko! _

Buong dinner magkausap sina Joshua at Sehun, which eased the relief off of Jeonghan. It was nice to see na magkasundo silang dalawa. May tensyon pa rin naman na mukhang dala na lang ng mga kaibigan niya, pero otherwise, okay sila.  _ Mukhang okay _ .

“Mukhang mabait naman si Joshua.”

Sehun and Jeonghan were on the way back to the condo Sehun stays at. Ang nakakatawa ay ang condo ni Sehun ay ilang minuto lang via jeep ang layo sa condo ni Jeonghan. Pero they haven’t had the time to actually see each other kasi busy talaga sila.

“Mabait naman talaga si Shuji. Buti nga okay lang kayo,” kumento ni Jeonghan.

“Bakit naman kami hindi magiging okay?” asar pabalik ni Sehun. "Masaya siya kausap, may sense, mabait, okay naman vibes niya."

Tahimik lang si Jeonghan, takot sagutin yung tanong. Takot na baka maging issue pa yung past nila ni Joshua. Pero bakas sa mukha ni Sehun ang saya, at halata na wala naman siyang masamang pagtingin kay Joshua. Sa katunayan, magkasundo ang dalawa buong dinner.

“Cute niyo, buti magkasundo best friend at boyfriend ko,” asar pabalik ni Jeonghan sabay halik sa pisngi ng jowang nagmamaneho.

“Namiss kita,” hinawakan ni Sehun kamay ni Jeonghan na nakaibabaw sa clutch. “I’m so sorry if super busy ako recently.”

“Miss din kita,” Jeonghan held on to his hand tighter. “Weird na sobrang magkalapit tayo but this is the farthest I feel away from you.”

“Busy lang,” sabi ni Sehun. “Sobrang shit ng med school, and sobrang busy lang. I’m so sorry.”

“‘Di mo kailangan mag-sorry,” Jeonghan rubbed his thumb on Sehun’s wrist. “You’re busy. It happens.”

_ Busy lang naman, diba? _

~•~•~•~

Jeonghan had enough.

Hindi naman siya demanding, hindi din siya selfish, pero bakit parang ang unfair naman na ng universe sa kanya? In the two years na sila ni Sehun, na sobrang saya at sobrang payapa, he felt more apart from Sehun now na magkalapit sila, than noong nagtatapos pa siya ng 4th year at nagtatrabaho si Sehun sa clinic sa Quezon City.

May nagbago ba?

Parang hindi na kasi okay. Kahit anong pagpilit naman maging okay, hindi na talaga okay. Dalawang buwan na silang umiikot na parang hindi sila parte ng mundo ng isa’t isa. They settled into comfort na alam nilang andyan ang isa para sa isa, pero parang...masyado naman na atang kumportable?

_ To: mahal <3 _

_ Usap tayo? _

_ From: mahal <3 _

_ May sasabihin din ako. _

Tangina.

“Ano pag-uusapan natin?” tanong ni Jeonghan. Kararating lang ni Sehun sa unit niya, at dumiretso sa sofa. He tapped the seat beside him, signalling Jeonghan to take that seat.

“Mahal…” Sehun started to say, pero parang hirap na hirap na talaga siya sa pagbitaw ng mga sumunod na salita.

“Itigil na natin ito.”

Gumuho mundo ni Jeonghan for the second time, at sigurado siyang mas masakit ito. Literal na ang bigat ng pakiramdam--para siyang binagakan ng langit tapos sinalo niya, nakakadena pa ang mga paa para mahirapan siyang gumalaw nang todo.

“Sehun…”   
  


“Hindi naman na tayo okay,” Sehun was smiling while there were tears falling down his face. “Hindi naman na fair yung set-up natin, Jeonghan. Gustuhin man natin magwork ito…”

“Sehun…”

“Okay lang,” he smiled. “I took a shot when I confessed to you. I’m happy we got two wonderful years together. Pero baka hanggang doon lang. Baka pang-friends lang talaga tayo.”

“Sehun please…”

His boyfriend just held his hand, trying to calm the already crying Jeonghan. Kahit alam niyang mangyayari na ‘to one way or another, hindi pa rin naman nawawala yung sakit. It will always hurt, especially if it’s because of someone you love.

“Hindi na talaga, tapos na yung oras natin Jeonghan,” Sehun smiled sadly. “Let’s be happy apart; baka mas okay for us ‘yon.”

Hindi na siya pinasalita pa ni Sehun. After saying his piece, he stood up, and left Jeonghan’s condo. Walang ni isang salita, walang paalam na maayos, bigla lang siyang tumayo at umalis. Jeonghan could only remain seated and stare at the now closed door of his condo.

_ Anong nangyari? _

~•~•~•~

Sehun had regrets.

Normal lang naman sa tao ang magsisi. Sehun believed that you weren't human if you didn't have any regrets in at least one point of your life. Oo, gusto natin matapos ang buhay natin na walang bahid ng "what if" pero lagi tayong dadaan sa isang punto na magkakaroon talaga tayo ng missed chances, or what ifs.

Sehun's biggest regret was letting Jeonghan go.

Nandito siya sa kasal nina Jeonghan at Joshua, nakikinig sa kung paano nakilala ni Joshua si Jeonghan, na sa lahat ng panahong mahalaga sa buhay niya, Jeonghan was there. Kung paano niya minahal, pinakawalan, kinaibigan, at binalikan si Jeonghan. He was there–nabanggit siya implicitly sa kwento nilang dalawa. He felt honored in a sense that Joshua didn't disrespect his past relationship with Jeonghan, but it made him feel guilty for being in the way.

He felt even more guilty for wanting to stay in the way.

“Buti nakadaan ka,” bati sa kanya ni Johnny (na invited din sa kasal). “Akala ko magrereview ka sa boards ngayon.”

“Wala eh,” Sehun took a shot of the cocktail he got from the mobile bar. “Malakas sa akin si Jeonghan.”

As he said this, saktong papunta sa kanila yung dalawang bagong kasal. Bakas sa mukha nila ang saya na hindi maipipinta nang may hustisya. Iba yung liwanag at gaan na kita mula sa kanila.

Lalo na kay Jeonghan.

“Thanks for coming,” Joshua shook his hand, a smile etched on his face. “I know you're busy, pero thanks for taking the time to come here.”

“Kayong dalawa pa ba,” Sehun smiled. “Wouldn't miss it.”

“Salamat, mahal,” asar ni Jeonghan, sabay yakap sa kanya.

Even after the break-up, naging malapit na magkaibigan pa rin sina Jeonghan at Sehun. Even Sehun and Joshua became good friends. Kaya hindi naging mahirap para sa kanya ang magdesisyon na pumunta sa kasal nila–kasi kaibigan niya ang bagong kasal.

Kahit mahal pa rin niya ang isa.

Ramdam ni Sehun ang mga luhang pumapatak sa kanyang coat. Yakap-yakap pa rin siya ni Jeonghan, kaya he can only assume that he was crying.

“O, bakit umiiyak?” dahan-dahang pinunasan ni Sehun ang mga luha mula sa mata ni Jeonghan. Baka masira kasi ang make-up nito, siya pa awayin.

“Kasi nandito ka pa rin,” ngumiti lang sa kanya si Jeonghan. Joshua was already greeting other guests, and Johnny went outside.

“Sabi ko sa'yo you can't get rid of me that easily,” ngumisi na lang si Sehun, at niyakap muli si Jeonghan.

“Masaya ka ba?” tanong niya sa dating kasintahan.

“Oo.”

“Then that's what matters,” Sehun pulled away from the hug.

“Salamat, mahal. Be happy.”

Jeonghan left to join his husband. Sehun took it as the cue to step outside para magyosi. Even when he and Jeonghan were together, never naman siyang tumigil magyosi, pero tonight, parang napakasakit humithit at bumuga ng usok, lalo na kung alam mong maraming alaala ang kaakibat ng isang stick ng yosi.

Hinayaan na ni Sehun tumulo ang mga luhang pilit niyang pinababalik sa mga mata niya. Hindi siya pwedeng makita ni Jeonghan na ganito. Sehun ended everything--he had to end it because whatever their set-up at that time was wasn’t fair to both of them. Akala niya may babalikan pa siya after ng malalang sem niya na ‘yon, pero nalaman niyang nagkabalikan na sila ni Joshua, and he didn’t want to ruin that for Jeonghan. He respected it, and went on his way.

“Bro, sure ka bang masaya ka?” tanong ni Johnny sa kaibigan.

“Wala naman akong magagawa. Masaya na siya. Yun lang naman mahalaga noon pa man.”

“Kahit hindi ikaw ang kasama?”

“Kahit hindi ako ang kasama.”

Sehun took one final drag, then put the cigarette out. Kailangan bumalik sa loob, ngumiti, at maging masaya para sa minahal.

_ Mali. _

_ Mahal. _


End file.
